I have seen the new face of Star Wars, and it is flashy, glitzy, hi-tech, and utterly lifeless. With the viewing of the latest installment of this fallacy, I'm convinced that George Lucas might have actually taken years off the life of the Star Wars franchise. People said this movie was darker and deeper than its predecessor. If by that these reviewers meant there were more scenes where people were wearing darker colors, then they were right. But to insinuate that this film had actual thematic overtones would first require the film have things like story and character.

The opening of this film is beautiful. Like all Star Wars Films, it begins with a space shot, and a starship. This ship lands on the Republic capitol of Correscant, thereís an explosion, and then I guess what you could call dialogue. Well, you could call it that, technically. I wouldnít though.

Two minutes into this film, many I knew realized they had to re-evaluate their standards if they were to enjoy the rest of the movie. What flooded my mind was: ìHere we go again.î It was all that was wrong with the first revisited, with less Jar Jar (who was far from the only thing wrong with this re-visited franchise). Those same friends love this filmÖ in an Ed Wood sort of way. Maybe the special effects are better here than they were in Plan 9 From Outer Space, but Iíd say the acting and dialogue are about on par.

Of the entire cast, only two characters even had any personality. Even famed actors like Samuel L. Jackson were utterly, painfully deadpan and horridly dull. Unfortunately, those two characters were not likeable people. Obi-Wan has now become a full blooded jedi, and an arrogant, condescending one at that. And Anikan... what happened to the story of a tragic fall from greatness? In order for there to be a fall we need a great person, not a whiny, insolent, arrogant, and very clearly borderline and unheroic character such as the one we are presented with in Anikan. There's no fall; thereís hardly any dramatic shift here. I could paint the helmet on him right now, and it would fit. He's evil from the start.

This film is plagued with high-octane action that has no context, and long tracts of poorly written and delivered exposition, both of which are terribly boring. The villain isn't any sort of villain at all. He's not someone to hate or fear, or really feel anything about. Much like everyone else in the film, he's just there. The personal action is just as soulless as the pure CGI scenes. Look at any still from a lightsaber duel in these two prequels; thereís no intensity in any of them. Compare that to the fights between Luke and Vader in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. These were fantastically intense fights with personal drama and conflict driving them straight to the edge. They were gripping and engaging. These new fights are much more acrobatic, but a few mid-air flips hardly compensates for the utter lack of intensity or feeling in them. The giant duels of this movie are snorefests.

And to add final insult to injury, this film is a continuity buster. Things happen in this movie that make events in the later films make almost no sense at all. Not only is this movie truly awful, but it has now moved into ruining the only films Lucas managed to get right.

This was a piece of trash: it stinks, itís rotten, and I feel burned worse than I did when I saw its predecessor because so many swore by this one. Sure, Jar Jarís appearance is negligible, but thatís hardly the requisite for an even passable film, which this is not. Watching this movie was like having George Lucas himself drop his trousers, press hit butt cheeks firmly into my face, and defecate straight into my eyes for the entire, interminable time. Pure garbage. I don't care who you are: youíve got something better to do with your time than waste it on this.

RATING: 0/5 Stars

- Clifford Horowitz